What is our inner critic?

Inner Critic – what is it and how to calm it..

A common theme that arises with clients in psychotherapy is the inner critic.  Other names for the inner critic maybe the judge, the superego or critical self-talk.  You may feel you are the only one that experiences this punishing voice in your head however, it is something we all have and is part of being human.  This blog describes what the inner critic is and helpful strategies that may help you reduce it.

What is is the inner critic?

The inner critic is an internal voice that often judges, criticises and diminishes our self-worth.  It may sound like:

·         “you’re not good enough”

·         “you’re going to fail, why bother”

·         “everyone else is better than you”

The voice often originates from early experiences or cultural messages that stress high expectations. Over time, we can internalise these judgements and they become part of how we evaluate ourselves.  The inner critic can be based on our core beliefs or, fear – fear of rejection, failure or, being accepted.  Under times of stress, the inner critic can appear even louder. 

Why do we have an inner critic?

The inner critic often starts as a protective mechanism. At some point, it may have served a purpose by trying to keep us from harm, embarrassment or, mistakes. Whilst it may have started like this, the inner critic often becomes overbearing, limiting our ability to grow and cause emotional distress.

Research suggests that people with a strong inner critic are more likely to have experienced harsh judgments, ridicule, and a scarcity of positive feedback during their childhoods. These experiences and judgements can be from a variety of relationships growing up - parents, teachers, siblings or, peers. In addition, societal, cultural and work expectations can amplify these self-critical tendencies, forming a complex interplay of influences. 

Impact of the inner critic

Left unchecked, the inner critic can impact our mental health and contribute to other psychological issues including anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.  The frequency and harshness of the inner critic can impact people in a powerful way and can be debilitating. Self-criticism is considered to be among the most common and destructive stressors in our lives. It is important to start recognising and understanding our inner critic so we can learn to soften its severity and quieten it with understanding, compassion and practice.  It can be hard to disengage from our inner critic on our own, especially during times of stress or, when it has become an embedded habit. It can help to discuss your inner critic and work with someone, such as a psychotherapist, to learn to notice it and to understand and disengage from it.

What you can do to quieten your inner critic

If you have been listening to your inner critic for a long time, you may feel it is impossible to change. There are practical steps you can take to reduce its power. Below are a few approaches that may help:

·         Become aware of your inner critic

o   Begin by noticing your inner critic. Pay attention to the words it uses and the tone. Does it sound like anyone you know? When is it most active – at work or, social settings? Awareness is the first step to understand how and when your inner critic shows up.  It can be helpful to notice and feel the pain of the inner critic not only in your head but in your body too.

·         Separate yourself from your inner critic

o   Your inner critic is just one part of you; it’s not your entire self. Try to create some distance by trying to observe your inner character as a character. You might give it a name to emphasise its separation from your true self. This simple act of distancing can give you a healthier perspective.

·         Challenge your inner critic

o   It is important to remember that not everything your inner critic says is true!  It can often exaggerate, be negative or catastrophise so you need to learn to challenge it and sense check it. Ask yourself, is that really true? Can you find examples that prove otherwise? Practicing challenging our inner critic can weaken its grip.

·         Practice self-compassion

o   A good technique here, is to imagine how you would talk to a friend in the same situation. Would you tell them they’re ‘not good enough’?  Show yourself the same compassion and kindness. It is not about ignoring mistakes or, shortcomings, but responding to them with gentle understanding instead of harshness.

·         Shift our mindset

o   The inner critic tends to reinforce a “fixed mindset” where we believe our abilities are limited and unchangeable. Try to develop a “growth mindset”, where setbacks are viewed as opportunities to learn.  Can you reframe how you see a situation? If your inner critic says “you failed at that task”, reframe it to, “this was a challenge and I learnt something that will help me improve”.

·         Engage in mindful practices

o   Mindfulness can help you observe your thoughts without judgement. Through meditation, deep breathing or, taking time to check in with yourself, mindfulness allows you to be aware of the inner critic without being overwhelmed by it. With practice and time, you’ll be able to notice negative thoughts as they arise, acknowledging them and letting them pass rather than letting them take over.

It is unlikely you’ll ever eradicate your inner critic however, with time and practice you can learn to disengage from it and turn down the volume on that harsh voice.  By changing your relationship with your inner critic, you enable greater self-confidence, resilience and a healthier, more compassionate way of being.

Our Counsellor, Emma.